A megalomaniacal, paranoid train wreck; profane, tyrannical... seldom coherent much after noon. Voted "One of the worst people in the world" eleven years running in an annual Maclean's magazine reader poll.  Lives in a junkyard, occasionally peddling highly suspect death-trap "classics" for dope money. Seldom leaves the compound except to procure Milk Bones and throw rocks at "communists", whom he believes cows to be. Best avoided, if possible.

Head of the "Classic Tire Division", Frankers somehow manages to remain optimistic and well-groomed despite being surrounded by acres of utter chaos and unrelenting decay. The desperation of her surroundings and the appalling quality of the company she must endure are unable to dampen her youthful enthusiasm, and her passion for ancient, cracking bias-plies keeps her focused on a brighter, snack-filled future.

The original and still greatest Star of the CWMC empire; her passing has only amplified her legend. Hugely talented and with attitude to match, Stella was the lone touch of class that salvaged the Same Old Shit Studios brand from oblivion. Renowned for her impeccable taste and dignity under duress, "Would Stella ride in that?" remains the standard by which our jalopies are judged.